Mr. Besilly's Blog

10 Life Lessons from The Princess Bride

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all." William Goldman  

In September of 1987 I watched a little known movie called The Princess Bride, written by William Goldman who adapted the novel for the big screen. It had a huge impact on me then and as a result I shared that film with many, many people. Almost twenty years later, now a cinema cult classic, it still lingers in my heart. I make a point to watch it again every few years to be reminded of a few key life lessons I gleaned from it along the way. I present to you my personal top ten list of life lessons learned from The Princess Bride.

I Used To Be A Modern Digital Painter

In 1999 when I first moved to Seattle, I started experimenting with creating computer art. I called myself a modern digital painter back then. The job I came to Seattle for was bogging me down with administrative duties I never planned on.

After I arrived home at night, I would start creating computer art. I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. I was armed with an iMac, a printer and all the creative passion of Picasso. The first character I completed was an abstract named William, he reminded me of Shakespeare for some reason. Then came Andre, a pudgy Spanish looking gentleman wearing a fabulous hat.

Scott Is Not Only A Good Friend, He's A Great One!

I wanted to call my friend Scott this morning and tell him what an amazing time I had last night with his family at dinner. I met Scott, his wife Liz, and two daughters Emily and Hilary when they lived across the street as our neighbors for way too short a time. They've since moved a few blocks away which means our visits can't be random sidewalk talks anymore, they have to be scheduled.

If you placed Scott in a line-up with a bunch of other guys and asked me to pick out a new friend, it would be difficult for me to identify him as one of great ones. I've always been totally blind that way. But being neighbors for several years made my pick much easier. In fact, our friendship seemed inevitable, because we're both loud and love to talk. Did I mention that we also laugh really loud too?

Take A Picture of Your Life...

I came across this photo on Post Secret today and it immediately captured my heart. It left a small dent in my soul when I realized how true it is. I shoot photos often, but rarely do I point the lens at my own life, at the things that are meaningful to me.

I shoot mostly striking sunsets, lake reflections or light bursting through a wall of trees. I'm really glad now that I took so many pictures of my family this summer while on vacation in California and with my wife Terri on our trip to Spain. Life does change way too fast and it's easy to forget what truly matters.

The idea in this photo is beautiful, it's simple and for me it affirms the power of our lives when we rub up against each other. Sometimes for only a passing moment, but the impact can linger for a lifetime.

Thank you for this gift anonymous person living on planet earth. You made my day. You matter.

The Problem With Seeking Approval

I love to write. For me it's become a wild eyed passion these days. But as much as I appreciate having my work read and commented on, that's not the reason I write. Sometimes I pour over my keyboard just to air out the thoughts bouncing around in my head. Other times it's because I experience something or read something that inspires me. By writing it down I've now cleared the way for another few thousand thoughts to take over the empty spaces of my pea-size brain.

The best way to lose autonomy over your work is to gain an appetite for approval. Once you find your voice, the style and patterns that make up who you are as a creative, why would you compromise that by looking for approval? It's a creativity killer and the quickest path to extinction. Let's be honest, we all want a loyal following to some degree or another. Most often it grows when we're not giving it any power over our work. But then once we realize we have people's attention, the temptation is to start trying to please them by writing stuff that will have mass appeal.

Creativity: The Lure of Self-Destruction

Every artist, every creative being at one time or another has to stare down the enormous giant of self-doubt. If you expect to produce a body of work worth the journey, in any discipline of the creative arts, you must learn to survive that overwhelming desire to self-destruct.

Wrestling with that critical voice inside that convinces you that it's better off to just quit, is almost a right of passage for artists. It's much like a dark menacing forest that seems to stretch on for miles, if you can find your way through to the other side, everything will appear much brighter and clearer in the full light of day. The lure of self-destruction is a trap that must be overcome with care. Negotiation is futile.

In those moments of self-doubt when you feel like your work is entirely insignificant, it actually feels like an accomplishment to simply trash it all. That too is a deceptive trap. I just battled the exact feelings again myself recently, even though I thought I was somehow immune to the voice of that old familiar friend.

An Instant Version of The Real You

Instant mashed potatoes taste great if you don't know any better, but for those of us who do, there's nothing that could ever replace homemade mashed potatoes. In a similar way our modern methods of communication are incredible, but they're called instant for a reason. Mostly because they contain less of the good stuff, leaving us hungry for something more meaningful.

Instant communication was created to serve us in a culture that's moving at blazing speeds. No time, so communicate more and say less. Replace the sound of our voice with a text or email. After awhile it feels so empty.

I encourage you to take a moment of pause today, reach out and really connect with someone, in a deep and meaningful way. That doesn't mean you have to invest hours of time. Say something that really matters, if it moves you, others will be moved too. You'll find yourself full for days.

Don't allow instant communication to create an instant version of yourself. There's nothing that can replace the real you.

Sometimes A Do Over Is The Best Place To Begin

Like an unexpected car accident, there are some life altering events that don't allow for a do-over. Our personal relationships are bit different, though sometimes they may feel like a total car wreck, a do-over can be the best place to begin when attempting to unravel an offense. The kind of offense I like to call a flesh wound.

A do-over is a simple way of partnering with the one's we love to administer amazing grace into a thoughtless moment of mangled insensitivity. A do-over serves as a non-confrontational way to admit that we've seen our error and the horrible chain of events it brings.

When Life Begins To Imitate Love

"When you are so gracious and generous and aware that you think of other people before yourself, you matter."  Seth Godin

It's been sometime since I've posted anything meaningful here on One Man's Highway. This life affirming story "Just Keep Going", written by my close friend David Goad, is one that should not go unnoticed. It's a moving tale that involves his daily ride to work on a commuter train, but on this one ordinary day, David crashes head on into the extraordinary.

"I suddenly snapped out of my bubble.  Here was some homeless kid, riding the ACE commuter train with a bunch of 40-something executives like me, just trying to get from one place to the next.  To be honest, I usually walk right by homeless people, occasionally throwing a buck or two into a can."  David Goad

When life begins to imitate love, the kind of love that places someone else above ourselves, it's only then that we begin to realize the deepest human connections in this world. Equals in our own human condition.

Thank you David. You matter.

When The Giving Gets Tough

“The only wealth which you will keep forever is the wealth, you have given away.” Marcus Aurelius

Regardless of how much personal wealth we individually possess we have each been granted great power for change. While it makes sense right now to take a position of caution managing our personal finances, we must resist the temptation to stop giving.

The power I'm speaking of has more to do with your own ability to influence the life of someone who is in need of your wealth. One measure of tested insight can cause ripples of growth and change for someone who lacks your super powers. You possess a unique wealth of knowledge, experience and influence that to others is like gold. Your wisdom can be a game changer to the less fortunate.

When I look at my experience working as a creative director or with raising two teenagers, I see no end to the wealth of knowledge I have within reach. I have an abundance to give, even if it's as simple as encouraging someone by taking a call or answering an email that would otherwise be easier to ignore living in this age of instant communication.

I encourage you to open up your life today and give a portion of your wealth. Give something that's meaningful, a part of you that will multiply through the lives of others. Don't hold back. You have so much more to offer than what you're electronically pushing to the bank. When we measure our ability to give by our bank statements, our true wealth and value is ignored.

How much do you really have to give?

 Photo by Ulrich Mueller

You Might Be Saying Way Too Much

I love text messaging on my iPhone. Having to type every word letter by tedious letter makes me cut to the essentials only. No fluff or filler words, it's all about economy.

"You wannt to eaf ouf toniife?" does not require a financial review. "Runnimg late" needs no long explanation. "Can I burrow somme money?" is easier to ask when you text it. There's no arguing with the kids over curfew when you can just text, "Gert home now!!", then ignore their response when they start pushing back. LOL!

If you're not using text messaging you're either too old or too lazy to learn. :) Possibly both. (hehe!)  The real truth is, if you're not texting you might be saying way too much.

The Footprints We Leave Behind

It's difficult to truly measure how much of a difference I'm making in the lives of those around me. At home, at work, with close friends or extended family. I'm a famous self doubter. We all want to know that we'll be missed if for some reason we should fly away. The only way to find out is to simply disappear and then I'd never know anyhow.

I've realized the best way to understand how much of a difference I'm making in the world of those that orbit around my gravity, is to ask. If you're perceptive enough you can probably guess at the footprints you'll leave behind, but it's not wrong to ask. So I did.

It was a little awkward at first, but the conversation that followed quickly became a meaningful dialog that felt like it granted me the courage to stick around a whole lot longer than I intended to (I don't mean that literally). The answers became like the free prize inside a box of cereal when I was a kid.

My wife Terri said; "Without you in my life, I would never laugh as much as I do." On my scale of personal measurement that's a fantastic start. I never knew she felt that way until she said it. I'm so glad I asked.

photo by Imagem Compartilhada [link]

 

Carried In The Arms of A Giant

My Aunt Josephine was a giant. She was a tall woman. That's not what made her a giant. Aunt Jo was my Dad's favorite sister and from my earliest memories she called me and my two brothers her boys. Aunt Jo had two beautiful girls of her own but never any boys, so fortunately we were it.

My Aunt was always like a second Mom to me growing up. She constantly worried about me from long distances, making sure I always had cash in pocket. Aunt Jo was the greatest cook when it came to Italian food. I've never recovered from her amazing raviolis. Need I say more? No matter how hard things were in my turbulent home, she was like a giant always there to pick me up. I took great comfort knowing that I was one of Aunt Jo's boys.

To Be Or Not To Be

A woman heard an inspiring message from a life coach that asked the question, "Are you a human being or a human doing?" The speaker encouraged the audience to rethink their frantic pace of 'doing' in life and choose to live healthier by 'being' in the moment. He laid out a compelling argument for everyone to just 'be' and learn how to become present without distraction. It turns out that many people feel trapped in the doing and are desperately aching to be.

His message was a bit lost in translation as the woman heard, "Are you a human B or a human doing?" She chose to make the right choice and started living as a human B which gained her little more than people starring. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear and miss the real message, sending us off in the wrong direction because of our own limitations. We're simply not going to learn what we don't want to know.

Is that any way to be?

Once Upon A Time In My American Dream

1 Once upon a time, computers were really large, had very little memory and were extremely expensive. Now computers are really cheap, compact and have tons of memory. They've become an addictive obsession, stealing the time we used to spend together just hanging out.

2 Once upon time, there was no way to call or text someone from a crowded movie theater, a bathroom stall or a baseball game. Those events were considered sacred. Now with cell phones no event is considered sacred, not even a funeral.

The Thing About Dad

After visiting my Father in the hospital on July 18, 2004 it was less than a month before he passed away. I wasn't present when he passed but I heard his family was right there by his side. I'll never forget that last visit we had together. When Dad heard that my older brother Carl and I had arrived he had tears in his eyes, we held his hands and we both told him how much we loved him and assured him we were there. He was happy we made the trip to Rochester and I realized quickly that this would be our last time together.

The Price of Free At Starbucks

Starbucks gave me a free grande latte today for the right reason. It was free but it still cost me. Since Howard Schultz has recaptured the helm at Starbucks a lot of sweeping changes have been put into effect. Here's the deal. If you use a registered Starbucks card like I do, you gain a few extra privileges. One privilege that I benefit from is free soy milk that typically costs me forty cents extra per cup. That's a great deal since everyone seems to charge extra when choosing soy milk.